Comedy Story Competition Winner

And the winner is... Paul Clarke

There was only one entry, so it's the automatic winner.

Paul wins 12 month's full membership and a copy of "The Right to Write" by Julia Cameron.

"Justine" by Paul Clarke

William Carter became aware of the beeping alarm on his bedside. It couldn't be time to get up already. Reaching out he knocked over the bedside lamp before slapping his hand down on the snooze button. Yelping in pain he sat bolt upright clutching his left hand. From the ball of his thumb a wooden toothpick stuck out. He held it and winced as he pulled it free.

"Serves me right for eating winkles in bed, that late at night." William thought.

William was hung over. Last night he'd received a call from Justine Ledbetter, the girl from his class who'd stolen his heart, then smashed it in two when she accepted the soccer team captain's offer to take her to the Christmas Disco in the third year. She'd wanted to meet for dinner. Him. She wanted to meet him for a drink. "To catch up on old times." He couldn't remember having any "times" with her let alone "old" but had readily agreed to join her for dinner because, well, this was Justine Ledbetter.

He hadn't heard from her since leaving school more than ten years ago. She'd gone to drama school and he'd got a job stacking shelves at the local DIY store. He was now Deputy Manager and thoroughly hated it. Justine however, had done just about everything right since leaving drama school and getting a part in a popular ITV6 soap opera. After a year she'd been lured by the big screen and starred as Cherry Loinz alongside Robbie Williams in the Bond movie, "He's up to no Good."

What followed the release of that film was a meteoric rise to superstardom for Justine, culminating last year in the box office flop (William couldn't even remember the name of it now but knew she was paid an exorbitant amount) and subsequent "kiss and tell" stories sold to the paper by a certain soccer team captain trying to get out of the job in sewerage he'd had since being kicked out of sixth form for lacing some teachers pipe tobacco with grass (he thought she'd find it enlightening). After disappearing from the limelight a year ago Justine had finally come home to spend some time with her mother and was having a break while going over new scripts.

Last night had been good. Justine had got a table at the Inn Cognito Italian restaurant in town, which was where all couples seem to go due to the dark lighting and booths where you couldn't really see what you were eating or who, probably a good thing. The wine was better than the food and both of them drank more than was good for them, so much so that he couldn't remember saying goodbye to Justine, getting home or eating four jars of pickled winkles which lay on the floor next to the bed.

Head thumping, William entered the bathroom and jumped in the shower. Drying himself afterwards he looked at himself in the mirror. Written in lipstick was the word "YES!" with a smaller "J xxx" underneath. William stared at the mirror. "I brought her back here?" he asked himself, wondering if he'd put away his subscription of Mayfair before he went out. What the hell did she mean? Damn that wine was potent. His mind was adjusting to the fact that he had had the great Justine Ledbetter in his flat when the door phone rang.

"Hi darling!"

"Justine? What the h .?"

"Come on. Open up it's freezing out here."

William pressed the release button and opened the front door, waiting for Justine to come up. At the door she flung her arms around him and kissed him, pushing her tongue past his astonished lips. Taking her arms he began, "Justine? What's .?"

"I've told my parents and rang my agent. Mummy and Daddy are thrilled," she gushed, "and my agent said he'd have people round just as soon as he can."

"Wha .?"

"It's all just so wonderful. It was so romantic; I never knew you felt the same way as me. All those years when you should have just told me."

William could only grin at her inanely. Her good mood was infectious and as she hugged him again, he reciprocated. She giggled and pulled away, "Come on. Get dressed. They could be here soon." Dumbstruck, William walked into the bedroom.

Dressing he could hear Justine in the kitchen making coffee. He still couldn't work out what was going on. The last thing he really remembered telling her was about her school friends, and what the soccer captain was doing in the sewerage industry (Relocating Effluent). "Whatever you did," he thought, "it's certainly no bad thing if it gets you intimate with the lovely Justine."

He stepped out into the living room and took the coffee proffered by Justine, the screen idol, drinking coffee with him, in his living room. "Amazing!" he thought, "The lads at work are never going to believe this."

The door phone rang again, breaking his chain of thought. Justine answered it. "Hi Andrew. Yes, first on the left, first floor . really?"

She opened the door and let him in.

"Andrew's my agent. He's a little "theatrical", but a very good friend." Justine told him as she let him in.

"Please darling, "flamboyant" is not "theatrical." William!" he exclaimed, taking William's hand and pumping it savagely. "How lovely to meet you. This delightful little minx here has been on the phone to me nearly all night talking about you. It's wonderful news."

"Er . , I'm glad you think so." William said still trying to work out what the news was.

"The Nationals are going to love this." Andrew was telling Justine, "A real live fairy tale. I couldn't hope for better promotion."

William looked at Justine while Andrew went on spouting about "Hello" magazine, "Promotion?"

"Andrew always gets a little carried away at times like this. Is something wrong? You've gone a little pale."

"Just a little hung over," he said shaking his head.

"Yes. It was a good night wasn't it? I didn't think all those bottles of champagne were a good idea but you seem just about okay."

"Ready to face the horde then William?" Andrew asked.

Justine took his hand and gently pulled him to his feet. "You'll do fine. Just be yourself." She kissed him again, making him feel much better. With Justine leading the way and Andrew bringing up the rear, William found himself being taken to his front door.

"Now we'll keep it brief and we can talk about giving them more later." Andrew was saying, "Justine and I will do the talking." He opened the door.

Outside was a zoo. Reporters thrust cameras and microphones at his face and what seemed like a thousand voices were being aimed at him. In the cacophony of noise and flashbulbs he thought his head was going to explode. One man took his hand and shook it saying "Best of luck to you." He looked across the street where more photographers were standing on the roofs of TV crew vans. Mrs. Gold from across the street was having an argument with a man in the tree in her garden, gesticulating angrily at him with her broom. Policemen were trying to hold back the crowd of fans screaming "Justine," "Over here, Justine," and steadily losing the battle.

"Ladies and gentlemen! One at a time please!" shouted Andrew trying to be heard over the reporters questions, "One at a time! That's better. Your question please."

"Justine, since your stay in hospital last year was reported to be due to stress and workload, are we to assume you are fully recovered and ready to work again?"

"I am fully recovered and my agent," she turned to Andrew who smiled and nodded, "is currently in discussion with a number of individuals about future projects."

William remembered a little about that story but hadn't really paid much attention. Damn, his head hurt, how much champagne did they drink?

"Justine, we understand that yourself and Mr Carter were childhood sweethearts? Did he know the individual that made certain allegations about you last year?"

"Yes, William did know him but they were not friends. Next question please."

Yeah, he knew the shit shifter all right. Not so popular now is he.

"Justine, congratulations on your engagement. When's the big day?"

"We haven't discussed that as yet" Justine turned to William and smiled, "but soon I should think."

"She didn't mention that last night," William thought, "and what's with her kissing me then? God I wish this hangover would go away."

"Mr Carter, . William ."

"What does this idiot want? I don't even know who she's hooking up with!"

"How does it feel being engaged to one of the most desirable women on the planet and being the envy of every male Justine Ledbetter fan?"

"I don . WHAT?"

Judges' Comments

We've sent the judges' comments direct to Paul. As this was the only entry it seemed a bit unfair to publish them here. Congratulations Paul. You should receive your prize within a few days.